MHAW16 (Day 7): The Most Important Type of Relationship
May 22, 2016
“Nobody can make you happy and you can’t make anyone else happy until you’re happy with yourself first.”
The most important relationship you should have is the relationship you have with yourself. There’s only so far we can go with putting the needs of others before ours. Some of us may be so occupied with caring for others or the realisation of being ‘alone’ can scare you and you prefer to distract yourself by keeping yourself surrounded by people. But an important thing to remember is that you have to create your own happiness or satisfaction first before you can share it with someone else. If you feel like something is ‘missing’ it’s most likely that it’s a consequence from being out of touch with who you are.
“Happiness means loving yourself and being less concerned with the approval of others.”
Take time out for yourself
In the same way that we make time in our day to accommodate for the needs of others, we also need to make a habit out of doing the same for ourselves. Having some time for yourself is not selfish and you shouldn’t feel guilty for it. Taking time out allows you to de-stress, rejuvenate and perform at your best. No matter how busy our lives are, we can at least spare an hour a week either in one go or spread out across the week. It could be something as simple as reading a book, enjoying a long bath or catching up on your favourite TV shows. Whatever it is, just make sure that when your life is constantly on fast-forward…pause, focus on yourself…and carry on!
“Let to day be the day you love yourself enough to no longer just dream of a better life; let it be the day you act upon it.”
Get to know yourself
This may sound kinda odd but some of us don’t know who we really are. We spend majority of our lives around different kinds of people and developing various types of relationships that knowing ourselves aside from everything else can be easily forgotten. It’s important to feel a type of comfort with being alone, without feeling alone because its not healthy to always have people around without taking time out for ourselves every once in a while. Our thoughts and behaviours can become easily manipulated by other’s opinions and influences without us realising it. Taking time out for yourself can allow you to figure out who the real “you” is and re-adjust your life in alignment with what your values and desires are. You may know what your favourite colours are, what your likes/dislikes are etc. but do you know the kind of things that no-one else would know about you? Do you know what truly matters to you? Do you know what your life purpose is? Do you know what your values are? What gives you self-worth? Are you who you want to be or how others want to be? Have you ever taken the time to sit down with yourself and figure out where you have been, where you are at at the moment, where you want to be and how you are going to get there? Explicitly asking yourself (not your friends, partner or family) these types of questions will allow you to really think about yourself and your life without the influence of others.
“Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.”
Be kind to yourself
Think of your most prized possession. It could be your car, your phone, your home, your child, your pet…whatever it is, we often do whatever it takes to make sure it’s well looked after by giving it what it needs and making sure it gets the best type of it. For example, when your car breaks down you wouldn’t keep driving it all over the country without making sure it’s fixed or if you buy a new phone you protect it with a screen protector, case, insurance… We should have the same mentality when it comes to ourselves. In the same way that we are kind to others, we should also be kind to ourselves. It’s easy for a lot of us to beat ourselves up about something that has happened or be overly critical about ourselves and we can often do it without noticing. This can have a massive impact on our self-esteem and we can end up being our own worst enemy. Try to think about the good things that your friend/partner or family member would say about you and repeat it out loud to yourself. You may not necessarily appreciate or believe the things they tell you but hearing the words aloud from yourself may give it a different meaning. Alternatively, if you feel like you don’t have anybody in your life at the moment who compliments or supports you in that way, write down some things that you feel you have achieved, things you’ve overcome, things that you appreciate about yourself. It does not have to be big things. When I’m in an extremely depressed state I often congratulate myself for getting out of bed before midday or managing to do my laundry that I’d put off for a while. Start small and you will start to notice the big things. Similarly, overworking ourselves can be so damaging to our wellbeing and our bodies have unique ways of telling us that enough is enough. Make sure you look after yourself by ensuring you get enough sleep each night, detoxing after a heavy night out, reminding yourself to regularly go to the doctors/opticians/dentist – these small things can prevent bigger problems from occurring which could be damaging to our emotional and physical wellbeing.
Learning to love myself is the hardest thing I’m trying to do myself, but I know only good things await when I get there, I know it will allow me to be a better person, be better in relationships and demand better relationships also, because I’ll know my worth and know what I deserve. I would really encourage you all to try and do the same! You deserve it. x
I'm Rebecca, a 23-year-old blogger, depression and social anxiety 'sufferer' and qualified mental health therapist passionate about mental health and well-being, self-development and self-care.
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